The Perfect Day for Her:

8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses

8:30 Weigh in 5 lbs. lighter than yesterday

8:45 Breakfast in bed, fresh squeezed orange juice and croissants

9:15 Soothing hot bath with fragrant lilac bath oil

10:00 Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer

10:30 Sauna, followed by a gentle massage, facial, manicure, shampoo and comb out

12:30 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe

12:45 Notice ex-boyfriend's wife, she has gained 30 lbs.

1:30 Shopping with friends, unlimited credit

3:00 Nap

4:30 3 dozens roses delivered by florist, card is from secret admirer

5:30 Pick out expensive outfit for dinner, primp before the mirror

7:30 Candlelight dinner for two followed by dancing

10:00 Hot shower (alone)

10:30 Make love

12:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling

12:15 Fall asleep in his big strong arms

The Perfect Day for Him:

6:00 Alarm

6:15 Blowjob

6:30 Massive dump while reading sports section of USA Today

7:00 Breakfast, filet mignon and eggs, toast and coffee

7:30 Limo arrives

7:45 Stoli Bloody Mary enroute to airport

8:15 DFW -Private G4 to Augusta, Georgia (Coffee, SI and WSJ)

9:30 Limo to Augusta National Golf Club

9:45 Front nine at Augusta (2 under)

11:45 Lunch, 2 dozen oysters on the half shell, 3 Heinekens

12:15 Blowjob

12:30 Back nine Augusta (4 under)

2:15 Limo back to airport (Bombay martini)

2:30 Private G4, Augusta to Nassau, Bahamas (nap)

3:15 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female (topless)crew

4:30 Land World Record light tackle Marlin (1,249 lbs)

5:00 G4 back to DFW, massage & hand job enroute by naked Kathy Ireland

6:45 Shit, shower and shave

7:00 Watch CNN newsflash: Clinton resigns, Hillary and Al Gore farm animal video released and authenticated. (Hillary has a secret mole, Al looks real cold)

7:30 Dinner, lobster appetizers, Dom Perigon (1963), 20 oz. New York steak

9:00 Remy Martin and Cuban Partagas cigar

9:30 Sex with three women (preferably at least two with mixed race origin)

11:00 Massage and Jacuzzi

11:45 Bed (alone)

11:50 12 second, 4 note fart, dog leaves the room

11:55 Sleep