THEN: Long Hair
NOW: Longing for hair. 

THEN: The perfect high.
NOW: The perfect high yield mutual fund. 

THEN: Keg.
NOW: EKG. 

THEN: Acid Rock.
NOW: Acid Reflux. 

THEN: Moving to California because it's cool.
NOW: Moving to California because it's warm. 

THEN: You're growing pot.
NOW: Your growing pot. 

THEN: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your parents.
NOW: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your children. 

THEN: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor.
NOW: Trying not to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor 

THEN: Seeds and stems.
NOW: Roughage. 

THEN: Popping pills, smoking joints.
NOW: Popping joints. 

THEN: Our president's struggle with Fidel.
NOW: Our president's struggle with fidelity. 

THEN: Paar.
NOW: AARP. 

THEN: Being caught with Hustler magazine.
NOW: Being caught with Hustler magazine. 

THEN: Killer weed.
NOW: Weed killer. 

THEN: Hoping for a BMW.
NOW: Hoping for a BM. 

THEN: The Grateful Dead.
NOW: Dr. Kevorkian. 

THEN: Getting out to a new, hip joint.
NOW: Getting a new hip joint. 

THEN: Rolling Stones.
NOW: Kidney stones. 

THEN: Being called into the principal's office.
NOW: Calling the principal's office. 

THEN: Screw the system!
NOW: Upgrade the system. 

THEN: Peace sign.
NOW: Mercedes logo. 

THEN: Parents begging you to get your hair cut.
NOW: Children begging you to get their heads shaved. 

THEN: Take acid.
NOW: Take antacid. 

THEN: Passing the driver's test.
NOW: Passing the vision test. 

THEN: Swanson's Mushy chicken in an aluminum platter.
NOW: Lean Cuisine's Mushy chicken in a plastic bag. 

THEN: "Whatever"
NOW: "Depends"