CEO � Chief Embezzlement Officer

CFO � Corporate Fraud Officer

BULL MARKET � A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET � A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING � The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO � The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER � What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR � Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST � Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT � When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER � A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION � The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW � The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO � What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS � What you jump out of when you�re the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR � Past year investor who�s now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT � An archaic word no longer in use.

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